All uncomfortable small talk, including all bad dates, (and maybe bad blogs) begins…with the weather. We all find ourselves encapsulated in the rhythms of the earth. Whether we like it or not, this is the context, the backdrop, of our present experiences; the safe common ground onto which we may timidly venture into conversation.
Today I walked out of school to find the sun shining in all its glorious brilliance; a rare and awe-some event of the Seattle winter. And I felt in the core of my being a feeling very akin to hope. I’m taking this as prophetic, because today I made a brave decision to stand where I never have before. I vowed to let my tender hope and desire remain and not unleash the vengeance of my fear, wielding my weapons of logic, upon my cracked-open heart. What, you may ask, has brought this tumult of weather upon the soul?
Nothing less than the long-unheard-of prospect of…..a date.
Yes, 3 years. Over 3 years since I partook in this normal social event. Why so long you wonder? 3 years! Am I a hermit, or maybe a world-traveler, or a nun, or (yeah I hear the whisper…maybe really ugly and undesirable….). No, it is not those things. Closed off? Terrified? Working through relational messes? Yeah, those might be closer to the truth. So what has brought about this eclipse of worlds?
One word. eHarmony.
Yes, eHarmony has been the catalyst and provider of my opportunity. But truly, it is a change of seasons, the weather, in my life that has brought this about.
Many moments of my past 3 years have been spent analyzing the past relationships of my life. Many more analyzing myself, my relationship style, by struggles, my defenses. Finally the moment came where my heart spoke into the cacophony of my head and said,
ENOUGH!
Who I think I am and who I am are often quite different. So, unfortunately, is who I think you are and who you really are. How can I practice being in good relationships with men if I’m not actually dating men?
These questions among others have propelled me into a new season. And the answer from my spirit, or God, or what have you, has not been raindrops, but a little sun. I little bit more of hope. Of anticipation. Of mystery.
And so, after assessing the weather, I am stepping into the sunshine. I hope it stays sunny through Saturday.
When I have my date.
With Jacob.
26, attractive, works with youth, calls himself a Christian.
But those aren’t the things I’m most interested in.
I have will have to listen to my heart, not my head.
When I go on my date!
On Saturday!
I’ll let you know how it goes…and how the weather was.
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